march 10th, 2010
it all started. hell.

from here on out i was put through shit no kid ever needed to be put through. abuse no seven year old needed to experience. i developed very unsafe coping skills. unhealthy mechanisms i used to escape. it was much easier to escape than to be present.
from here on out
april 17th 2023
it became too much. i couldnt imagine my life past thirteen.
june 29th 2023
i discharged from my program. i was better. i was happy.
september 12th 2023
i overdosed. fuck.
september 18th 2023
four winds inpatient.
fuck that shit. never going back.
september 28th 2023
newport academy. again.
november 14th 2023
i got better. this time, for real.
november 28th 2023 is when im writing this.
this is obviously put into very simple words. there are many things that happened between those times. i fell in love. i got heartbroken. i broke the no contact rule. i relapsed many, many times. i thought of suicide almost every single day. but im alright now. i can see a future for myself. and i want to see what i will do in that future. im only thirteen, i have a lot of life left to live. this is a letter to all the kids like me out there. you are enough. your body is beautiful. you are changing every second of the day. you are growing. you arent a bad person, youre just a kid. there are so many people that love you. you didnt deserve any of this, but theres no turning back time. you will get better, and you can do it. i know its hard to get out of the comfort of depression. its much easier to get worse than to get better. but focus on the present. focus on getting through today. focus of getting through today without drinking, or smoking, or self harming. focus on your breath, the rise and fall of your chest. focus on the world. you deserve so much. you deserve to live to see the world, to experience new things, to build a family of your own, to make friends, to live rather than surviving. but if surviving is all you can do right now, keep on doing it. i know its so fucking hard. i know. but i also know that shit gets worse before it gets better. and i know that everything gets better. i love you.

my email is juliaderomamadrigal@gmail.com
please reach out if you need help. i will always be here for every single one of you.

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